How to have kinky fun while not breaking the bank (if that’s not your intention).
Findom is a thrilling and oftentimes misunderstood kink that focuses on power exchange through money. It’s important to play responsibly and be aware of the risks. Read this post to learn more about financial domination along with tips and tricks on how to play safe.
- You’ll learn about the fundamentals, myths and safety precautions to take for a healthy dynamic or scene.
- This guide will offer insightful information regardless of your experience level.
What is financial domination?
In the BDSM community there’s a fetish known as financial domination or findom. Another term I enjoy using is money kink.
When playing with this fetish, one person has the role of a dominant and the other the role of a submissive. The submissive provides financial support (sometimes called tributes) or presents to the dominant. The dominant may have control over the submissive’s finances. For example how to spend money, or to send money as a sign of submission in this power dynamic.
Informed consent and open communication are pillars of a healthy BDSM dynamic. Findom is no different. One must have a clear awareness of their own boundaries. Frequent check-ins are important to make sure everyone’s feeling at ease and safe while they play.
Why is safety important?
Practicing safety is one of the most necessary things in BDSM
There is always risk when engaging with BDSM. To be safe you must consider the risks at hand. One example is risk of bodily injury beyond what is desired or negotiated with impact play. Your physical safety is important.
Just as important is your emotional wellbeing. Because of the nature of findom I will focus on emotional safety in this post.
Being aware of the impacts that findom can have on your emotional and financial wellbeing is the first step to safety.
What are the risks of findom?
There are minimal physical risks. Instead, there is a higher risk of negative impact to emotional and financial wellbeing.
Trust in your play partner is part of engaging with this kink. It would be detrimental to the dynamic and relationship if that trust is broken.
Both people playing must feel at ease with what is going on emotionally and financially.
Pushing the boundaries of the amount of money that was negotiated upon can break the trust both partners had.
You must communicate with the other player.
You are responsible for your own safety. You cannot depend on the other person to do this for you. It’s important you be honest and open about what you are feeling.
Before you negotiate you must consider your own boundaries. This ensures you’ll have better communication throughout.
Some things you’ll want to consider before you negotiate play:
- Your financial situation. What’s your budget for play? This could be for the day, the week or the month, depending on the desired dynamic.
- If applicable hard and soft boundaries. I know many who enjoy the thrill of having their limits pushed. Some enjoy the feeling of loss of control they get from this. Either way you must communicate this so the other player can be mindful of it.
- Triggers. If you’re aware of them, talk about any triggers you may have.
- What are your expectations? Think about what you hope to experience. How do you want to feel?
Tips and Tricks
Do some research on financial domination beforehand. Start with something like “what is financial domination” in a search engine. Keep in mind though that there is stigma and bias on this kink. Take what you read with a grain of salt. The most important thing is to explore it so you know how you’d like to experience findom.
Vet possible partners. If you’re looking for a professional dominant make sure to go to their social media and website, if they have one. You want to pick someone whose values and style align with yours. You want someone who has a solid and reliable reputation. Your possible play partner must show respect towards boundaries and limits.
Not all findom play is about bankruptcy! Even if this is the most common way to play that you may see online.
The best way to avoid scammers is to vet possible play partners, like mentioned above. If all you have to go off is their social media look that over carefully. Do they seem like an actual person? How do they talk about the kink? Do they claim to be a pro? Check that they have a website, social media or if they provide their offerings on other platforms. If they check most of those things it’s likely they are professional.
Not all findom dominants are cruel or degrading. Just like any kink the style will differ from person to person.
Be cautious and use your best judgment when you’re starting your findom journey. Check in with yourself often. Do things feel safe? If you’re into the more risky feelings, check that it’s still an exciting feeling when playing. If ever you’re not excited or looking forward to engaging then best to pause and reevaluate.
Set clear boundaries
Start with establishing clear boundaries. Everyone deserves to feel secure and at ease when playing. Use the following points to help support you in that.
Boundaries are important!
- Effective communication is required to establish and maintain boundaries. Both sides must be honest about their goals, constraints and expectations for the relationship. Talk about words and terms that feel good to use for you both. Discuss the types of behaviors and terms that should not be used. You need to have in place a protocol on how you’ll be checking in with your play partner. During those check ins you can talk about what’s working so far, what you want less or more of, etc.
- Negotiation. What do you want this dynamic to look like? Discuss this at length. It’s important both players are on the same page. Once you both know what trigger words there are, or things to avoid, talk about the stuff that feels good. That’s important too! Both players need the opportunity to experience the pleasurable things as often as possible. After all, that’s the whole point of this, isn’t it?
- You can have a contract. It can outline in written form any mutual agreements within the relationship. Include parameters, restrictions, limitations, the goals and any protocol. They can serve as a reminder of the terms of agreement and to avoid miscommunications. Or just because it’s hot. Or both. 😉
- R-E-S-P-E-C-T: find out what it means to you and your partner! Above all, any boundary and limitation should be honored. If there is a cross of any boundaries, express it right away. The other person should stop what they’re doing immediately and check in with you. You should do the same for them. Otherwise you risk the trust you’ve built or damaging your relationship and play partner.
Have plenty of check-ins and open dialogue
- Have I mentioned checking in with each other often? Doing so can help set and maintain clear limits. Reinforcing safety for each other is key. Aftercare is also important, whenever needed. That time can also be used to check in and to set limits.
Any type of BDSM play required discussion and respect for one another, as well as open dialogue. The expectations should be set up by both partners. They should be communicated frequently to make sure they are being honored.
To summarize
Findom is a fetish in which one person assumes the role of a dominant and the other assumes the role of a submissive. The dominant, typically in charge of the submissive’s finances, may also receive gifts or financial support from them. For a healthy BDSM dynamic, informed consent, open communication, and safety are essential.
Before engaging in this play you must think about your personal boundaries. Consider what those are and how you would like to communicate them. Once you do, you’ll be ready to negotiate a dynamic or scene.
The main risks of findom are emotional and financial. To limit risks, it’s important to research the fetish and vet possible partners. A safe and healthy BDSM dynamic must be established and maintained for the best possible experience.
Learn more!
I have another blogpost on financial domination, find it here!
Princess Kali has multiple writings on findom that I suggest you check out. She also has many resources on healthy and conscious kink relationships.
